TB: It's just so
brilliant to be able to have a quiet chat like this. The mignons
were superb. Here, 'guv'nor'. Have a little more of this cognac...
GB: You hardly touched your mignons, you poof. Cheers. Lucky
I've got a big appetite. I'm fucking stuffed...
TB: Why don't you...I dunno, loosen your trousers or
something. Relax...ah, this is just like the old days. How long's it
been?
GB: About ten and a half inches. At the 1994 Conference. Ha
ha ha...
TB: Seriously, it must be 23 years now since we first met.
Remember when we shared a room...
GB: And a locker. God, that Saturday I came in unexpectedly
and found you sniffing my trainers...
TB: Look, I think...you know. Looking back...
GB: Oh God, and that emaciated solicitor with the mad staring
eyes and a gob like a letterbox. You went out with her for a while.
Ha ha ha, you got her to suck you off by pretending you were in
Emerson Lake and Palmer. Whatever happened to her? Oh wait, I...
TB: This is great, isn't it? Us together again, like in the
old days...
GB: How are the memoirs coming along, by the way? You'll make
a fucking fortune. People are dying to know who the real Tony Blair
is...
TB: You know, I think the most important things we believe in
- giving the many a chance to succeed not a few...
GB: Mm.
TB:...investing in our public realm...
GB: Mm.
TB: ...and so on and so on. That's where my politics come
from.
GB: Mm. Well, we both believe, don't we, that having
established this fantastic partnership of ours...
TB: Yeah, you remember, who was it, the Saudi ambassador at
that benefit in Sting's garden. 'Ah' he said 'It is my old friends
Gordon and Tony from Star Wars'. He said you reminded him of
R2D2...I was the other one...
GB: See-Through UO?
TB: Exactly.
GB: Fucking idiot.
TB: Ah, this is great, Gordon. Gords. So, how's the family?
GB: Much better off, thanks to a stable economy, 'Lionel'.
Remember when I used to call you that all the time, it really wound
you up?
TB: Mm. Remember when you got locked in the toilet that time,
and I had to rescue you? And I wouldn't let you out until you agreed
to let me be Prime Minister? I think that was the first time I'd
heard the word 'cunt' actually, you had to explain what it meant.
From inside the toilet. Ha ha ha...
GB: So now we've established this fantastic partnership, we
need to think about how we sustain it. 'Lionel'.
TB: Absolutely. Whatever the difficulties, whatever the
tensions - and there are a few from time to time - actually it's a
partnership that's worked, that's done a lot of good. For Britain.
Hey, d'you remember that Pink Floyd track...how's it go? 'Da da da
daa da, da da da da daa... Set the controls for the heart of the
sun...'
GB: Mm. We have to build on the progress made, though, don't
we? The most important thing is people being able to fulfil their
potential...
TB: Right on, right on. You and I share the same values,
Gordon. Human capital is a precious resource. There's a massive
amount still to do. Of course, there's never enough money...
GB: Whoa! I know that. I am Chancellor of the Fucking
Exchequer, you know. So when are you going to fuck off and let me
have a go, exactly?
TB: Sorry, mate. Miles away. Have some more cognac. Fuck, is
that my phone?
