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Hi Gordon it's Janet Street-Porter here, or JSP as I call myself. Whether I be interviewing some of the world's top politicians or just be 'bopping araand' to [Emma fill this in before it goes off OK I haven't got fucking time to listen to pop music I am JSP not my dead mother and put someone cool or I will give you a Chinese burn and fucking sack you] in an old t-shirt not at all caring what I look like alone in a barn in Yorkshire, that's JSP for you. Please fuck me. I could be a Dame in due course. |
Hello. You all right? Arctic Monkeys here. Please fuck us bigtime by pretending you like us yeah that was fucking great for our credibility thanks. In return we're now telling everyone we listen to podcasts of Prime Minister's Fucking Question Time and that you really 'wake us up in the afternoon'. Oh yeah and that your private sector solutions for the public sector are fucking brilliant. |
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Fuck me! Prime Minister at last! Ken Kivingstone here, wishing you every success. I can't believe it, finally a Labour leader who's even more of a miserable cunt than me. Keep up the good work for what it's worth, we're probably all fucked anyway. Gloomy week ahead for me - I have to get my varicose veins done, then I'm out and about listening to eight million Londoners moaning their fucking heads off. |
Dear Mr. Brown: We, Her Majesty The Queen, cordially invite you to Buckingham Palace for intercourse. This would be of the most innocent and chaste kind, and would resonate intriguingly with the relationship between my great-great-grandmother and her loyal, dour manservant, who was also called Mr. Brown! I would be most amused. There is no need for intimacy. I could simply gaze from the window while you stand outside in the pissing rain holding a horse, looking Scottish. Do you have a kilt? |
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Fuck me Gordon fuck me :-) Hazel Blears here, your Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government. I am only the size of an emperor penguin but I have the twat of a walrus. I will literally do anything to further my political career. Up the arse if you like, can I be Foreign Secretary next? |
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