exactly_like_that_fucking_pain_in_the_arse_off_The_Apprentice@blairitequandary.web

Hello, my name is Dame Anita Roddick. Just a quick note to say how much of a HUGE fan of Iran and its exciting, challenging culture, I am. I absolutely love Iran, and totally 'get it'! I am inspired to write this letter by an idea which has literally just popped into my head. Would the Iranian people, do you think, be interested in a new revolutionary product range which is both ETHICALLY-SOURCED and BOYCOTTED IN EUROPE? The products would have to be 100% ethnic. Why? Because I think beauty should be without boundaries. I sucked Sir Alan Sugar off once, I don't know if that helps. PS I am definitely wearing a headscarf.

 

Javed_Meander@thinktank.top
The US may have the power to cause harm and pain, but it is also susceptible to harm and pain. So if the US wishes to choose that path, it should understand that it is our path too, and we are prepared to go down it, albeit in the opposite direction. Let the ball roll where it may, but if it goes in our garden you're not getting it back.
 

who@doyou.do
This bloke goes to a sa'ndevicforuwi and asks: "ye sa'ndevice sosis bede boxorim?" The sa'ndevicforuw says: "bepicam tu ka'qaz, you fat fucking Sunni dildo socket." The bloke's right taken aback, obviously, then suddenly remembers: "na ba'ba' Kurdi, bepic tu Shia moqavva' sir wim fuck!" Ha ha ha!
Shias! Shias! Come on, you Shias!

 

foreign_minister_2006@theologicalquagm.ir
As Foreign Minister for the Islamic Republic of Iran, I am announcing a Call For Papers for the First Iranian Satire Summit, to be held on 01.04.27 in Tehran. The day-long event will include satirical contests, a variety of speakers, comedians, effigies, Zionist Clowns and loads of fun. Conference topics include: Putting Satire to Work (opening keynote with yours truly); Adding Satire to Your UN Presentations (with yours truly); Using Satire to Cope With Bullying (someone sarcastic from Hamas TBA); A Lighter Approach to International Affairs (yours truly); What's So Funny About Tragedy? (Neil and Christine Hamilton); Combating Stress With Satire (yours truly). Please, please, send me your papers, I have run out.

 

beardandbombed@dadooiranrandadooiran.ran
Do not believe the enemy lies, O noble people of Iran! Your President is steadfast, and prevails. The enemy will be driven from Tehran by 1. Allah, 2. Poor accommodation standards, 3. Reverse suicide bombers. Already, the Zionist aggressors suffer great defeats on the battlefield. Little Bush crows about his occupation of the analogous republic of Iraq. Yet he has been driven back from both the first and the third cities of the Caliphate - held by our army in secret desert locations to confound the enemy! Glory to God! Glory to God! Glory to God! Glory to God! Glory to God! Glory to God! The brave martyrs are numberless, yet have no number! Victory will be ours, by the Grace of God and his Godhead, praise be to God the true God, who is God! In the south of our country, a farmer armed only with a rifle and his Muslim faith destroyed and brought to earth a suspicious light aircraft! Then spent the afternoon organising his livestock to spell out GOD IS GREAT, from above! A light aircraft was photographing this glorification in meat when it was ruthlessly destroyed by Zionists! God is God! God is God! God is God!
 

Halal_9000@meatagain.bbq
People keep saying 'there will be a McDonalds in every Iranian city by 2013'. This will be of little fucking use to me, as my teeth are going. Can't we have a tour by Sir Paul McCartney instead?

 

drama_king@darkhouse.rsc

albert_finney@signpisces.of
I must share an amazing experience I had yesterday at the weekly fish
market, when a Zionist carp gasped warnings about the end of the world
before it was killed. Those of us present could not believe our ears as the
fish clearly whispered 'Tzaruch shemirah!' and 'Hasof bah!' This is Hebrew
for 'account for yourself, the end is nigh!' The stallholder quickly took
hold of the carp and hurled it to the back of his tent, where it lay
flapping about, screaming that it was the soul of an American Jew who had
died of prostate cancer the previous year. It instructed us all to pray and
study the Torah and was halfway through a Psalm when the stallholder in a
state of panic chopped it into several twitching pieces and sold it,
offering a special discount for the head. I didn't buy any Zionist carp, I
hasten to add! You really need some nice boiled potatoes to go with it, and
a bag of potatoes is more than my job's worth.

yogi@bearconcern.oap
So contact with animals helps the elderly to live longer does it, you thick infidel fuck? Try telling that to my 90-year-old mother, who was fatally crushed when a clumsy motherfucking 485-pound circus bear performing at her Iranian retirement home tripped over a wheelchair and fell on her! Fucking bears! Get out of our motherfucking motherland!
 

smoking_on_top@varney.reg
As an Iranian bus conductor operating out of Damascus, I object in the
strongest possible terms to my Number 147 being hit by a Tomahawk cruise
missile. This was one of the Middle East's few operational Routemasters,
dating from 1968 and an enduring symbol of classic British design,
beautifully restored by enthusiasts. I even wore the original 1960s uniform!
Admittedly, there was a loud whistling noise just before the missile struck,
but passengers assumed it was me.