The BBC’s new gay children’s programme Popeworm & Tatch has
shocked conservative viewers. How?

Popeworm said ‘Man shall not lie with man. Unless the
      Vatican’s ordered a cover-up.’

  Tatch said the idea of God the Father loving His
       Son ‘sounds like insects’.

By proving that animated Catholicism’s less interesting
      than 3-D football.

How can LADY GAGA appear at next week’s Haiti benefit if they won’t
let her bee entourage in?

  Via endoscopic videolink.

  In ironic egg-stained vest and tracksuit bottoms, at home.

  As a shimmering ambisextrous plasma cloud filling the
       sky above Port-au-Prince.

Art imitates Life, which imitates Soap. Who will make a guest
appearance in EastEnders next?

  The Duchess of Cornwall, as ‘Jehovah’s Witness In Cafe’
       shouting at her breakfast.

  Peter Mandelson, as ‘Council Inspector’ round to
       check the bins.

  John Terry, as ‘The Winkle Man’ selling seafood
       in the pub.

 

Has BBC News actually lost its fucking MIND?

  No. It’s been rolling for 24 hours now, it may simply
       be a bit ‘blunted’.

  No. This is almost certainly some kind of derivative satire.

Yes. It’s elliptical correctness gone mad.

 

Who’s in control of the media this week?

  Loose consortium of sentimentalists with strong
       views on EVERYTHING.

  State-funded popular media watchdog OFPOPMED.

  Underemployed narcissistic tweet-shitting
       fuckpods putting their PUNCHLINES IN CAPS.