Nobby the Northern Dinosaur
Where To, You Fucking Cockney Twat?
Oi! Awright? Nobby the Northern Dinosaur here, down in London for a Week, Innit.
I don't know why they call it The Smoke because YOU FUCKING CAN'T, not in a London Taxi. Not usually, anyway, but I'm minding one for an Old Pal, so I can do what I Fucking Like, Innit.
Variety Dave from Burnage has got this White Van Scam, picking up Chinks who've Paddled Across from France on Li-Los and whipping them through 'Customs' at £800 Per Chink. He needs an Alibi (we're about the Same Build and Smell) for the Week, so I've got his Black Cab.
I told him I wasn't Happy. My Views on Our Slanty-Eyed Friends coming over Here, taking all our Shit Jobs, are well known. I have my Cocking Principles. But as they say, When In London Do As The Londoners Do, so I settled for £500 Cash. If it makes you feel any better, Nob, he said, I'm taking the Silly Cunts straight to Margate Nick.
Meanwhile, I'm Your Right Oi Oi London Cabbie. Where to, Guv? Where the Fuck's that, then?
Mind putting your Seatbelt on, love? Bet it's Hot in that Blazer - finished your O Levels yet? I tell you what, I'll let you off your Fare if you Suck my Knob! Please your Fucking Self!
Fucking Cyclist Arsewipe! Fuck You Too! Sorry didn't see you, you Cunt! No, I will not take you to Gray's Inn Road, you Paki Bastard! Sorry Mate, can't give you a Receipt - you can KISS MY ARSE RIGHT IN THE CRACK.
Now I know how Robert de Fucking Niro felt. The PEOPLE in this Fucking Place! Pissed, Throwing Up, Stinking out the Cab with Curries and Burgers, Shouting, Wanking...what else am I supposed to Do, Sat In Traffic all day? Passengers just ignore you as they're Used To It.
Home soon. Piesick.
I hope that's been of some help. Cheerio!
