Nobby the Northern Dinosaur
Oily Donkey Pies Pies
Hello! You all right? Nobby the Northern Dinosaur here. You've Tried The Common Sense Rest, Now Try The Scotch!
I'll be glad when Fucking Summer's over. My Casino Of Plain Thinking has been temporarily Closed Down while I'm on the Course of Pills.
Another Reason for not liking Summer is, the Hot Weather brings them all out of the Woodwork. Who the Fuck am I talking about?
Hold up, it'll Come Back to me. Either Wasps...or Our Coloured Friends. My Memory's not what it was.
At Doctor's the other day to get the Results of the Lump in my Arse. He told me I had the first signs of Alzheimer's: 'You're not getting any Younger, Nobby, which is why you Have To Expect PROBLEMS DOWNSTAIRS. Now, please make yourself Comfortable, as I have the Results of your Arse Biopsy here.'
I must have Nodded Off, though he does Fucking Mumble. My Diagnosis, for what it's worth, is everything's sound, boss. I'd know if my Arse was Fucking Biopic. Plus, how could it be? I've Never had a Cock up it, or Minced Around like a Fucking Tart!
I used to go to the Pictures Years Ago, took Our Lass on Several Occasions, and it's True you never Know who's in there because it's Dark. But Fucking Wake Up Wigan!
Even if Gay Germs were in the Air, they would go in By Way Of the Mouth and Nose (which hasn't fucking got Pants and Trousers on) NOT the Arse (which has)? As the Cockneys say - Ill By Mouth.
I've remembered. Hot Weather brings out the Gay People. Remembered. All there in my Head...just a Question of finding the right pie.
People call me Old-Fashioned. Fair enough, you Cunt. But I've lived in Wigan all my Life. We were brought up to Believe that Queers should be Fucking Gassed To Death - or STAY IN LONDON. Amounts to Same Thing.
My Heart goes out to those Poor Bloody Holidaymakers who Year after Year seem to get stranded with Screaming Fucking Kiddies at the Spanish Airports. Just because Fucking Sam Miguel and his Fucking Oily, Donkey-Fisting Dago Mates can't be arsed to TURN UP FOR WORK.
Fuck Spain. No Surrender To The Fucking Armada. Oily...donkey...serves Thick Cunts right for going to Spain. Don't get in that Aeroplane! Even if it Takes Off, it could Probably Crash. Stay here in The North! If you're that Fucking Soft, there's a Beach at St Helens.
Stay where you Are. Remember the pies...and the Black Lasses want to...remember...as I do...the 1950s...when you got Real Prejudice...and want to Count Themselves Lucky...they weren't...a Black lass in...them pies...
Fucking Pills...Spanish Onions, is it?...or do they do...the Spaghetti?...something...moustaches, is that it?...Oily...Donkey...Pies...Pies...Bit Bunged Up at present...glad to get off these Fucking Pills...is it Them who do The Donkeys, or am I thinking of Blackpool?... just...just Everybody Stay Calm...
I hope that's been of some help. Oily Cunt!
