Nobby the Northern Dinosaur
You Know You're Getting Old When The Police Start Looking Black
Hello! You all right? Nobby the Northern Dinosaur here, spokesman for a generation of Folk with Old-Fashioned Views. Welcome to my Wigan Casino, Admission at Discretion of Management.
I am sick of Internet Types telling me you can't Bar Folk these days. If I had Computer Down The Phone, I'd have the Crew Off A Flipping Pirate Ship for Bouncers.
Dress code. No trainers, no tattooed birds. I Won't Have It. No Hell's Angels, or Teachers.
Once I come off Yellow Pills (for so-called Cancer, that's the state of the Flipping NHS today!) Doctor says my Swearing should be Back To Normal and I'll Regain the Use of my Right Hand, thank you very much.
The Alzheimer's, well. I'd like to know how Darkie Consultant got the Cashish to buy his Flipping Diploma in the First Place. Short Odds - Robbing Cars or Peddling Drugs. Not just Sense. Common Sense.
The Great Denis Norden once said You Know You're Getting Old When The Police Start Looking Black, or like that. Audience Laughed, any road.
Now there's a Man who, Unlike Barrymore, has managed to stay at the Top of the Light Entertainment Game without the Flipping Need for a Winkywoo up his Bottom every Half Hour. Tony Hancock, what a Fumbling Pillock.
I'll be glad to See The Back of these Side-Effects. Bad enough having a Sore Bottom, but Diminished Swearing is a Right Blinker. Evenings are worst, At Club. You go to Swear, but Nothing f-f-f-Flipping Comes Out, no matter how Hard you Strain.
Luckily, I'm not yet On Board The Incontinental Express. A sudden Shock or Something Funny, I do like widdle a bit, but Dampness and Chafing No Worse Than Usual.
It says in the paper Welsh Hill Farmers Criticised for Racism. Why? You just have to Look at Flipping Zimbabwe to see what happens when you employ Coloured People on the Farms!
I hope that's been of some help. Cheerio!
