Nobby the Northern Dinosaur
Snow White's Breasts Every Bit As Good as Lara Croft's
Hello! You all right? Nobby the Northern Dinosaur here. Under Doctor, on the Old Kemo Savvy.
I said to Consultant - It's Fair Enough Is This, I've Learned My Lesson. This Whole Business is enough to give anyone a Scare - I'm Switching to Fucking Lights, Doc!
In Overnight. Only put me on a Mixed Ward! Except Fucking Muggins here is the only one Not Female. Fucking...Rubbish you hear them Talk About. I say Rubbish, it's Being Kind.
Here you go, boss. Just Highlights of the Whingeing Flapping Fucking Drivel I have to fucking put up with.
People who are in a Mixed Ward who aren't Yours Truly:
- Are Generally Achey All Over.
- Haven't had a Decent Cup of Tea since Time Of Month stopped.
- Get Funny Fucking Twinge, usually in Lower Fucking Back.
- Are Miserable because Best Friend at Line Dancing died.
- Moan about Not Enough What You'd Call Proper Strong Light To Read By.
- Complain there's No Snug in Pub any more.
- Are Appalled by Language (Filthy).
- Agree can't get Seat on Fucking Bus.
- Compare Cakes they've had.
- Amazed that False Teeth are apparently Something to Laugh About.
- Shampoo now a Right Old Fucking Rigmarole.
- Don't Call That Bread.
- Hot Water Bottles don't treat you like a Lady the way they did in the 1940s.
- Snow White's Breasts were Every Bit As Good as what do you call her Lara Croft's.
- Burping not welcomed.
- Too many Spitting Close-Ups on TV Sport.
- Custard Thinner.
- Bricks on New Houses Too Fucking Orangey.
- Neighbours now Strangers.
- Not enough Sewing; Everything just Thrown Away even if Tiny Hole.
- Not enough Hospital Drama.
- Husband Passed Away so Pointing Finger Of Blame Pointless.
It all makes me feel Right Fucking Awkward, so I Keep Curtains Drawn.
I don't like The Nights.
I hope that's been of some help. Cheerio!
