Nobby the Northern Dinosaur
You Won't Believe It!
Hello! You all right? Nobby the Northern Dinosaur here. Still under Doctor with so-called Cancer and Taking Each Day as it comes.
You know, with my Seemingly Endless Supply of Common Fucking Sense and Light-Hearted Humour, I think I may be turning into Wigan's Answer to The Great Denis Norden!
Spending more Time reading and Waiting. I tell you what, boss, you Soon Realise just what a Fucking Funny Old World this is, when you like Arrange It Into Sections Before The Break.
Our Animal Friends...Or Should That Be Fiends?
They say a Dog can Dream only in Black and White. I don't know How They Know, maybe they have some kind of Dream X-Ray Tool, don't ask me, I'm not a Fucking Doctor. Fish can only Breathe Underwater. Elephants, on the Other Hand, are literally Too Heavy to Jump.
Around The World In 80 Days? Or Perhaps I Should Say Around This Just Ridiculous Fucking World in 80 Ways!
Apparently Donald Duck is Banned in Wales because the Cartoon Character 'Demeans Those With A Phlegm-Positive Native Language'. Fucking Whatever Next?
Being Queer is Legal in Paraguay as long as Both Parties are Registered at the Post Office.
And if the Population of China walked past you in Single File, the Line would Never End because the Sly, Cheating Cunts would just keep Running to the Back of the Queue again.
High Technology. Or What Goes Up...Well See For Yourselves In This Next Bunch Of What I Like To Call My Duck-Billed Blunder Bus Section.
There's enough Dead Skin in your Computer to make a Life Size Model of a Rat.
No Computer has Yet Been Invented that can replace Simple Human Fucking Kindness.
All computers, when they Talk, sound like the Lad Kissinger.
You Know You're Getting On A Bit When Your Get Up And Go Seems To Have Got Up And Phwoar! (I Like To Call This Section).
Women have Little Willies either above or below their Twats, depending on whether they're Up For It or not.
Stewardesses is the Longest Word Typed with only the Left Hand by Wankers Searching For Porn on the so-called Internet.
On a More Serious Note, my Fucking Arse is sore, and the New Pills make Things Seem Further Away.
I hope that's been of some help. Cheerio!
