Nobby the Northern Dinosaur
Why Planes Crash
Hello! You all right? Nobby the Northern Dinosaur here. I for one had Tears in my Eyes when I saw David Attenborough of the BBC walk into Mafeking on behalf of us all, though I'll Wager I was one of the few watching in a Nappy.
Doctor says I should be 'going Continental' by Christmas Fingers Crossed.
Still Lingering Concern about the so-called Cancer, which may have Popped up again in my Arse, though Tests will let us know one Way or the other in a Week or so.
Life goes on. Inside still a bit sore, and hurts if I Swear too much, though I've noticed you don't hear so much about the Jews these days but then like the Asians they tend to Keep Themselves to Themselves.
Unlike Fat Fuck Americans, we got the Measure of them during the last Lot, 39-45. Over Paid, Over Sexed and Fucking Over Weight.
No wonder their Planes aren't Safe. We're all a Bit Heavy these days, but your average Yank is built like a Fucking Council Sandbag. As I said Last Century - Planes aren't Natural. Of course they're going to Crash all the Time.
Let me Explain something to you in Common Sense terms. If you fill up a Balloon with Lighter Than Air Gas it floats up. If you get a Big enough Balloon you can put a Basket underneath and Fucking Oh Aye Up Up and Fucking Away In My Beautiful My Beautiful Balloon.
If you're going too high, you throw Something over the Side, or to be honest, probably throw Something Into the basket and it gets Heavier and then then you Come Down To Earth Gently, what could be Simpler.
But they're not Allowed to have Lighter Than Air Gas in Planes - NOT EVEN YOUR REFILLABLE LIGHTERS SIX FOR A POUND -just Duty Free and Peanuts apparently, not that I'd know as you'd never get me on One.
If we'd have been meant to fly, we would have wider Arms and some sort of Engine Arrangement connected to our Arse. If you want to go somewhere in a hurry, use Shanks' Pony, which when I were a lad meant Outside Toilet.
Found myself Staring out of the Window yesterday. House Empty as it has been for Years now and Couldn't see Anybody. The Light was going and Freezing Fucking Cold of course but Still Nobody for as Far as I could see. Then in The Distance, right High Up on the Fields that go Up towards the Horizon, I saw Sheep Moving About and a Tractor Appeared.
It were like a Play, or as I said to Widescreen Stan, Like Suddenly Finding Yourself In The Middle Of Some Fucking Poem, Unable to Get Out.
They said the People in Mafeking had for Years not been allowed Music, or Chess, or Pictures of Living Beings. On the Fucking Strength of the Shit that was on the Go yesterday, that Music Policy seems Fucking Sound. I agree Pictures of Living birds seems an Unnecessary Sacrifice.
And I said to Stan about the Poem and how I couldn't move out of It because I was a Part of It, but he had Left Some Time Earlier and it had got quite Dark.
I hope that's been of some help. Cheerio!
