Nobby the Northern Dinosaur
Threesomes in Lezby Avenue Just Wishful Thinking
Hello! You all right? Nobby the Northern Dinosaur here, helping you to Help Yourselves in my Wigan Counselling Casino.
Most problems you can sort out with a Little Bit of Common Sense e.g if you're Fat and Can't Get It Up, you're Probably Gay. But however Fat you are, you can usually manage One Off The Wrist.
Same with Mobile Phones. Folk get them, then don't know what to do with them. My Advice, for what it's worth, if you're from Yorkshire or the South, shove it up your Arse. If you're from Lancashire and you've got a Mobile Phone - Wanker. If bird, OK, probably need it for Work.
In my Day: Button A, Button B, mostly no one had Pissed in it before you. They're not going to make them any more now I heard, Phone Boxes. My Advice, for what it's worth, is best Hang On To your Mobile, mate!
Of course, many of the Problems you hear these days are of what Channel 4 calls A Sexually Explicit Nature. Like I Wonder If My Wife Might Be A Lesbian? Frankly pal, the chances of her turning out to be a Front Taster are Fucking Poor. Plenty of Blokes think Oh aye, Threesome in Lezby Avenue, that'd be all right. Talk to Widescreen Stan at Video Shop. That sort of thing only happens in Films like Oh Pair! and Double Ended Dildo Entry.
Meanwhile, if you're having Disturbing Dreams about getting a Cock up your Arse, you should think about going into Show Business.
My Advice to Young Folk: Just Say No To University. There is nothing Cool or Funny about being Vegetarian, plus anyone with The Fat Cunt Bagpuss on their T-Shirt wants Gassing. Get a Proper Job - Shipbuilding, Coal Mining, Lino Factory - else it'll end up with Glasses and listening to Folk Music.
I hope that's been of some help. Cheerio!
