Nobby the Northern Dinosaur
Toilet Worries A Thing Of The Past
Hello! You all right? Nobby the Northern Dinosaur here. Just my fucking luck, now I've fallen into a Coma!
Which puts me in mind of Alma Cogan. First thought: Died Tragically Young. Second thought: Jewish Lass. Third thought: Yes, but it were Helen Shapiro who did Walking Back to Happiness.
Walking Back to Happiness
Whoop-bah
Oh yeah-ee-yeah.
Birds music. Babycham and them Bras with proper Hooks. Me and lads liked Twist and Shout by the Isley Brothers, and Party Sevens you had to Pierce Twice. Always used to say: Black People are brilliant at Music, but not living next door.
Which makes me Laugh, as now I think about it, living next door to an Isley Brother would have been Fucking Great, and a vast improvement on the cunt I did live next to, Charley.
He had Country & Western Barbeques in his back Garden wearing a fucking Cowboy Hat to which I was never invited, incidentally.
No, the beauty of your coma is that Toilet Worries are a thing of the Past. Likewise, the Alzheimer's and the so-called Cancer of the Arse, which turned out to be Real after all, are 'Postponed due to Heavy Rain'.
What with Christmas Plans falling through and the Weather turning Fresh I'm more than happy to stay like this until Pancake Tuesday. My worry is Obligation of Hospital Staff to make me die with dignity, i.e unplug all Tubes so I starve to death. That would suit Mr Harold Wilson and the rest of his Tony's Cronies, I am sure, and an overstretched NHS.
It makes you think. Despite what the newspapers say, some things have changed for the Better in this Modern World. Cod Liver Oil, that's gone. You see more Tits. Not many French folk any more. War 'tidier', on account of better Bombs these days, falling on Towns and just killing the Nazis or whoever, and the so-called Cluster Bombs which remove whole Clusters of Nazis at once. In the old days, they just used to batter places like Coventry (Point Taken) and Dresden and not even care about Kiddies being involved.
Plus it's easier to spot the Germans these days as they've all got Beards.
I've had a few Visitors since I've been in here. At least, I suppose I have. What the fuck do I know? I'm in a Cunting Coma. The lads have probably been in to see me, though I don't know what the Drill is, as regards visiting someone in this State.
Half the Beatles gone. It'll be fucking Frank Sinatra next. Ah fuck, I've wet meself. No, you're all right. It were only a Brainwave.
I hope that's been of some help. Whoop-bah!
