Nobby the Northern Dinosaur
What The Papers Says Nobby
Hello! You all right? Nobby the Northern Dinosaur here and Fuck It's Pissing Down again.
No, you're all right, it's left off. No, you're all right, it's Pissing Down again.
This week my Wigan Casino of Life has been Moved Temporarily to the Public Library. Why? Firstly, it's Pissing Down and there are Not So Many Leaks in here as At Home, though Everyone's keeping Well Away from that Cunt In A Sack at the End There.
Why else? I am looking at the Newspapers, that's why else. Because I saw What The Papers Say the other night, some BBC Bollocks, by mistake, with Widescreen Stan. I said Any Cunt can do that, read the Papers and get birds to Read Bits Out in Posh Voices.
He said You Can't Even Read Your Lottery Without Moving Your Mouth. Fuck You. Etc. Both separated for Some Years, Stan and Me, a Bond...James Bond. Miss Moneypenny, show us your Tits, love! I had to Laugh.
So What were The Fucking Papers Saying? I asked the Librarian (incidentally looking Fucking Nothing like the last Librarian I saw on Video).
This is What She Said, Word For Word: 'To be honest, I like the Showbiz Stories in the Tabloids, but the Big Papers have Better Political Coverage. Look, why are you in your Pyjamas and Dressing Gown?'
Well Fucking Thank You. That's ME None The Wiser!
Here is my What The Papers Says Nobby:
The Guardian
Miserable Cunts telling you off all the Time.
The Times
Stuck-up Gay Minge.
Daily Telegraph
Sound on Army and Black People. Three Panty Shots, no Tits.
Daily Mail
Heart in Right Fucking Place if you've got a Mortgage, or tart on side.
The Sun
Common sense on Europe. Fucking Great Shouting Pictures in Sports Section.
Daily Mirror
Wanky Cartoons. Too many People In Glasses.
The Express
Definitely better pornwise than when I last saw it (1970s).
The Independent
?
Daily Star
Fits nicely in Pocket.
Financial Times
Pink - Fuck Me!
Daily Record
Like Mirror but written in Scottish with more Swearing and Heroin News.
I hope that's been of some help. Cheerio!
