Nobby the Northern Dinosaur
Why Birds Have What Doctors Call Little Willies
Hello! You all right? Nobby the Northern Dinosaur here here and I'll tell you what. My Fucking Arse hurts.
The World is a Vastly Fucking Different Place these days. I don't know Computer, but I know Common Fucking Sense.
Nobody should try to Build an Imaginary Woman on The Fucking Computer. If you're pushed, get a Blow-Up Doll. If you know any Blind Folk, borrow their Golden Labrador for the Afternoon.
But enough of Fucking Philosophy. I like to keep myself in the Real World. Wigan. As we say up here: Come For The Rain, Stay For The Pies. Unless you're from London, in which case we just say Fuck Off, Gay Cockney Wanker - Find Your Own Fucking Pies.
London, Just To Remind You, is:· 50% Black.
· 20% Other Foreign.
· 10% Dead and nobody's found them in their Flat yet.
· 50% Gay/Queer.
· 15% Don't Even Fucking Know What They Are.
I swear the World's gone Stark Fucking Staring Cunting Mad. Nelson Mandela. How many Holidays did he ruin, letting the Black Folk into South Africa? Think ahead, it's just Common Fucking Sense.
My Post is getting Right Classic FM. Aye, Right Fucking Changing Rooms. This came in the Other Day: Dear Nobby. I am a Big Fan of your Common Sense. My Problem is that my Boyfriend's Fucking Useless. His Pituitary Gland is not the only Peanut-Sized Organ he's got, if you Fucking Follow Me Round The Back For A Quick One Before My Period Starts.
My Diagnosis: I'm afraid you're a Lesbian, love. You've been trying to shag another BIRD!
Some women have what Doctors call Little Willies above their Twat - occasionally below - about the size of a Peanut. It's apparently a Reminder of the Olden Days when ladies had Tails, though admittedly coming out of their Front Part.
I hope that's been of some help. Cheerio!
