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ConspiracyTheo@thoughtout.ill

Em Jews Jews Jews. Gollum momopoly of mass media im America eg Bez Vegas, Hollymood am so om. Oh, em Jews. Imfluemtial, submersive “lobby groups”. Em Jews Jews Jews. Domimion over all em courts, small claims, the lot. Oh Jews. Gollum gollum gollum. Em permicious worm im golluments, am emerywhere. Oh em Jews em Jews em Jews. Em got full comtrol of em emtire PLAMET, as circumcised in em Jewish religious texts immit. Ooh ah Jews emerywhere. Wait. Em imfiltrated me mind now? What? Stop it Jews stop it stop it Jews em making me like em now. Em Jews. Now I’m all of em. We Jews. Em Jews. Em Jews Jews Jews, oy.

 

Ernie_Smallprince@squinter.net

As a proud Australian senior, I object in the strongest possible vowels to the internet which, according to my church newsletter, is pom-saturated.

 

hejira@agendaqueer.grr

BI-GENDER TEENAGE MUSLIM MEDIAPHOBE seeks similar for bi-gender days in, romance, beheading Second Wave Feminist dickhead infidels etc. Happy to be “radicalised” or “groomed” depending on media.

 

crackly@etherlimbo.ham

Wow, a real “comedy classic” on the radio just now. Yet, as the audience roared at an unfathomable topical joke from 1947, I felt a sharp stab. Oh, the melancholic ebb of this transitory life, ha ha! If anyone from that 1947 audience is by any miracle still alive, please get in touch through my radio. I’m in the white noise section near the top of longwave.

 

platelets@bloodyhell.ab

My husband and I were watching a television drama recently and I had to laugh when one of the characters said “It’s easier to get blood on your hands than it is to wash it off.” No, character in a television drama, it really isn’t. How do I know? A few months ago I came home late, a bit distressed. “You OK?” my husband asked. “Yes” I replied. “I just need to wash this blood off my hands!” We both saw the funny side. It was an entirely different story last week when I came home late and told him “Sorry, I need to get some blood ON my hands!” That was MUCH harder. He was reluctant to help me at first, but has been quite content there on the sofa ever since. Although I suspect I might have to have a spray round with the Febreze soon. Men!

 

beebeeking@hivemind.buz

I cannot now imagine life without my pet bees. The little lovelies swarm in a hairy buzzing mantle around my head and shoulders wherever I go, though I do have to leave them outside when I’m in the pub or a shop. They get very protective if anyone interacts with me which ironically only happens when they’re not around.

 

cubegentlemenplease@time.bar

Yes, what can I get you love? Ice and a slice with that? Yeah, clearing up later, according to the BBC. Tell you what though, I reckon the evil of ONEISM inflicts static non-pulsating logos as a fictitious queer same sex transformation. That’s £3.40, cheers. Oh just a hobby of mine. Bar menu’s just there, but we’re out of scampi. You got kids yourself? Only I’m recruiting children to my Cubic Army of The 4 Days, to convert Evil 1 Day Adults to 4 Day Mentality Existence for the benefit of Perpetual Humanity. Just a bit of fun, as I say. No problem at all, love. Straight up the stairs, on the right.